A Dead End
The wife had no affection for her husband and their child. The husband could have left his wife then but plucked up enough courage to seek a counsellor’s help instead. Edris said, “I could see that he was putting in a lot of effort to save the marriage.”
“Upon speaking to the couple at their home, I found that the wife was unable to express love as her mother had abandoned her when she was a child so I employed talk-therapy and got the wife to speak to her husband as if he was her mother."
"When she was done, it felt like a huge burden had been lifted off her", explained Edris. He re-established contact with this couple recently and was delighted to find out that they have been happily married since their session with him 13 years ago.
Self-Actualisation of Rogers + Self-Realisation of Islam
Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow were two American psychologists, amongst others, who founded the humanistic approach. The latter was also responsible for including Carl Rogers theory of self-actualisation - part of the famous theory hierarchy of needs. Edris applies these approaches in healing his clients.
However, as a Muslim, Edris doesn’t just take these theories as it is rather he holds firm to his belief in the Prophetic saying that religion is sincere counsel (nasiha) and includes over and above Carl Roger’s theory of self-actualisation a stage he calls self-realisation; to know one’s position as a servant of God.
Edris says, “Even though the concept of self-actualisation resonates with Islam in many aspects, it does not recognise that committing an immoral act comes with the obligation of rectifying it and often, this person would need healing himself and this is where I handle the situation differently.
As a marriage counsellor, he advises married couples, young and old, to start solving problems immediately while love and hope still exist.
He says, “No matter how big the error is or how intense the friction might have become, the word surrender doesn’t exist in my dictionary. I will not stop helping those who seek help. The first step in healing is always to identify and recognise that you need to make a change to live a better life.”
Edris Khamissa offers his services on ImamConnect – click here to view his profile.